The Spear

  I often see people posting on social media about the importance of being kind. It is phrased around the concept of, “You don’t know what people are going through,” or, “The Golden Rule.” What I have found most interesting is that, oftentimes, these people are not calling for more kindness as something they themselves practice, but as a deep cry to be the recipients of it. I have even looked into people that were being cruel or leaving hurtful comments on posts, only to find that they have “anti-bullying” content all over their accounts.  I think most people would simply call this hypocrisy and leave it at that. Make no mistake, it is hypocritical. But there is something more than that. If we look a little bit closer, we see children crying out to be treated in a way that they themselves lack maturity enough to duplicate. They cannot be kind. They cannot act with tenderness, forgiveness, or understanding. Yet, they want to be treated that way. Something in each human being th...

The last few weeks…well, the last month or so have been some of the most challenging. I seem to find myself in these places often. The comforts and “guarantees” of the world are stripped away and I find myself fighting for a breath as the waves of this dark world crash over me. The beautiful facade that money and privilege afford society is pulled back and I see Truth. I see this place for what it truly is; dark, ugly, angry, selfish, fearful. I am tempted to build up my walls and be like them. The desire to become cynical rises up, but there is something in me that still calls me to be tender.  I lost my grandmother this past summer. I watched her pass from this world. It was not pretty or peaceful. It was painful and hard. I knew that in order to help my family with her care I had to shut down a part of myself. I knew that I had to set aside my own loss and pain in order to walk through that place. On the other side of it, alone, I allowed the pain to hit me.  In obedience, ...

  When Lazarus dies, he is wrapped up in linen clothes. It’s to cover, head to toe, the body of the dead. It was part of the embalming process. Spices and oils were used to keep the body from decaying and smelling too quickly. He steps out of the grave and Yeshua orders them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” Today as I was spending time with Yeshua, he says to me, “The world beat and buried you. You were killed by them and then I called you back to life. Now take off the grave clothes and be who you are meant to be. Be who I have called you to be.” This struck me. Even Yeshua was wrapped in these grave clothes when they laid him in the tomb. But he left the cloth that was on his head and the linens still in the tomb. When his disciples saw him later, they didn’t recognize him because his true nature was shining through. He was physically being revealed as the person the Father had identified him as all along. We are said to have died with him and risen from the gr...

Today, I was sitting with Yeshua and discussing how I have been doing well. Throughout my life, I have struggled in everything. I struggled with chores, self-care, maintaining good relationships, getting work done, learning, accomplishing anything, going anywhere by myself, etc... It’s true that this learning process with him hasn’t been easy but I have managed each step by holding his hand and working to maintain eye contact. Lately, he has brought me to such a place that I have been able to, well, function. If you are like me, you have this fear (usually from experience) that good streaks can’t last forever. Eventually, you will fall apart. The longer I go without ruining everything or letting everything fall apart, the more nervous I become.  As I was explaining this to him in my quiet time, I told him it was like when I was a kid and learning to snowboard. I would get going really fast and I would get scared and force myself to crash in order to stop. (I have problems, I know.)...

I peruse God like my life depends on it. And in truth, it does. There have been moments in my life when I thought that I could get by and that the goal was just to be “normal”. But let’s face it, while we are striving for average we are missing a calling, a need, a God given desire in us to be “more than conquers”. My mission started years ago. Honestly, a lifetime ago. But, I didn’t know what I was looking for until I came face to face with Love Himself. He was everything I had ever dreamed he would be and more. Every false understanding and thought that I had about Him was washed away as I learned to hear His loving voice. I know now that I am loved and that, THAT, was what I have been searching for my whole life.

I saw your struggle and I was angry with you but I now come to you in humility. Look at what the enemy has done to you? Look how low he has caused you to fall. But I say lift up your head prince of heaven. Look to the Son. Look to the one you were created to emulate.

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Ephesians 6:16 “He replied, ‘If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.’” Luke 17:6 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

I have been reading a book by John Eldredge, “Waking the Dead”. There are many things in it that are review but also revealing. I’ve enjoyed it and would recommend it as a book that can help bring healing to the hurt places in your heart.

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess. She never did anything amazing, nor did she care to. She never lived under the cruel power of another, nor was she sought after by princes or kings because, well, she never had need of them. There was never a dragon to slay or a wicked witch to defeat. Nothing happened and she lived bored ever after. The End.

Religion teaches us to humble ourselves, but perhaps not in the best way. Often when people think of preachers they think of someone screaming at them that they are sinners and going to hell because they are, fill in the blank. I have heard preachers and religious teachers condemn and scream and yell until they are blue in the face about how terrible people are. But my family, this is not the gospel.

A while ago I was feeling frustrated because I looked at my life and felt like I had sacrificed so much of myself and my life to give to my kids, but they still needed from me. I worry often that I might be failing them. In my mind I can see them sitting in a therapists office years down the road and going, “My mother never….” Or, “She always…”

I am one of those rare people that cannot do anything without God. Some of you might be thinking, “Oh yeah, we all need God.” You would be correct my friend, but I really can’t do anything without Him. On my own I am unmotivated, bored, uninspired, depressed, selfish, and I can’t seem to succeed at anything. Everything I tried to do ended in failure before Him. People used to talk about me, and it would get back to me that everyone thought I was just one big mess-up. It was frustrating because I wanted to do so much. I was and still am a dreamer. But really, it only hurts to dream when all your dreams end in utter failure.

We are living in a world that is spinning wildly out of control. Every time I look at the news I see more murder, shootings, and attacks all over the world. It can quickly cause us to feel like we are all at risk and fear soon follows. There is no doubt that things aren’t well in the world today.

In a world where we are becoming more and more aware of the amount of waste, it is hard to imagine a place without it. It has become a baffling problem all over the world with what to do with it. We create so much trash and throw so much away, not considering where it is going to go, and what is going to happen to it. If you have ever seen a picture of a landfill, well, it’s kind of nasty.

I pursue God like my life depends on it, and in truth it does. There have been moments; times in my life, when I thought that I could get by and that the goal was just to be “normal”. But let’s face it. While we are striving for average, we are missing a calling, a need, a God given desire in us to be “more than conquers” (Romans 8:37).

http://christian3400.deviantart.com/art/look-through-rose-colored-glasses-433757975 When I was younger, I watched a version of Pride and Prejudice with my mom. Ironically, in watching it I discovered a prejudice of my own. When they introduced the Mr. Darcy character, I was going, “Him? You picked him? How could you pick him? He’s not attractive at all!” For the first half of the movie I was put out by the fact that I didn’t think him remotely good looking. But, by the end of the move, I felt very differently. The brooding character had worn on me, and he appeared to be the most attractive man in the entire story. How did that happen?

I can be one of the first to stand up and scold my generation for their selfishness and stupidity. I am fully aware of the sins, curses, and just plain ruthlessness that plague the people that are stepping up to rule the world now. But, I look around, and I remember what it was like in our formative years. We were left to figure out life on our own. Many were abused in one form or another. It would be hard for me to find a woman who hasn’t been sexually abused or used at some point in her life. It would be hard to find a man that hasn’t had to fight on his own to try and figure out what it means to be a man in a world that either hates them, or tells them to be immature boys for the rest of their lives.

I have spent my life pursuing Him. Ever since I went to Him, wounded and torn to pieces, and he healed me, I have sought the precious presence of God. He has been my everything. Day in and day out I pray, worship, read, and communicate with Him. In all that time I have never found an extent to His love. I am frightened of love because I believe that as soon as I let myself enjoy it, it will be ripped from me. I never feel like it’s something I can keep. I feel like it is something that I must earn, and if I do something wrong or upset the other person, then they will stop loving me.

I know that I am not alone in having a bad church experience. Unfortunately, mine lasted a long time as I was a child and wasn’t able to decide where we went to church. It was awful, to say the least, and did much to color my poor view of God.

For much of my life I felt like I was its victim. I was unable to make anything happen, and I was unable to keep anything from happening. Life was just going to move along, and I was along for the cruel ride. After years and years of this, God finally rescued the victim and created in me a victor.