When It Hurts

I have heard a lot of people share their story and try to explain why they are the way they are, or why they did what they did. I am an extremely sympathetic person. I am willing to help, and I am willing to listen. But let me challenge you for a moment.

It’s not what you did when it was easy that counts. It’s what you did when it was hard. It’s how you handled things when life wasn’t going your way. It’s how you treated others when it cost you something or even when it hurt.


There is a conversation between two characters in one of my favorite movies. A king has a newly arrived lord sit with him and talk to him. After explaining that the whole world is like a game of chess, and that lives are played out like a game, he says this: King: “Remember that howsoever you are played or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone, even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power. When you stand before God, you cannot say, ‘But I was told by others to do thus,’ or that virtue was not convenient at the time. This will not suffice.

I love this line because so often we want to say we did what we did because others told us, or because it was a reaction to someone else’s actions. Self-control is often mentioned as a virtue in scripture. It is even described as a component of love and the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23, Proverbs 16:32). Self-control means you do what is right no matter what is going on around you.

It’s not about how nice you were to people on the road when you had plenty of time. It’s about how you treated them when you were running late. It’s not about how you treated the people that agreed with you and treated you well, but how you treated the people that hated you and could not give you anything in return. It’s not about what you did before the eyes of others, but what you did when no one was looking. It’s not about how you treated your family in public, but how you treated them when you were in private.

Guys, this is hard. I get that. I know that sometimes we look at our lives and think how differently things might have been if people hadn’t hurt us. But if we do what we do based on the worst things done to us, we are still giving power to those who have hurt us. We are responsible for us. We cannot accurately lay blame or punishment on others. But we can choose, today, that we are going to live according to what God has called us.

No more excuses. No more blaming others for how our lives have turned out, or how our day went. We get to be us, the real us, the God-called us, the divinely renewed us. Lay down your pain and shame. God knows you are hurt. He does not look on it lightly, but he loves you and wants what is best for you. He wants to see you stand tall and strong no matter how the winds blow, or how the waves beat against you.

So next time you are tempted to let someone else ruin your day, or you want to call back the pain of old wounds and act out your revenge on the world around you, remember you won’t be able to tell God that it’s their fault for how you acted. But, he will reward those who stood up and did the right thing even when it hurt. 



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