Religion vs. Real Life

A few days ago my husband and I took the kids to the park. We were in an area that we were not familiar with. We don’t know anything about anything or anyone in the little town nestled in the Virginia mountains. 

There, along a river, is a small park. We pulled up and saw another family there. Allow me to add that, it just so happened that on this day, I had the courage to wear shorts. I have struggled so severely with my self image, and obsessed over hiding myself out of fear, that I didn’t even own a pair of shorts until last year when I got some because I just couldn’t take the Texas summer heat anymore. Still, I would wear them at home most of the time. But today, I was feeling free. I put on my shorts and took my kids to the park. 

When we walked up to the playset, I could see that the family was dressed in…well, let's just say they were dressed in a way that would be obvious to most that they are part of a specific Christian religious group. I have zero problem with them. I figured that we would simply be leaving each other alone, and I was okay with that. 

I stepped away from my family to take advantage of the cell phone signal to call my mom. As I did this, one of the women called out to me and said that I am welcome to join her on the bench in the shade. I thanked her and explained that I was about to call my mom. She said she understood and I walked away, planning on having a lengthy conversation with my mother to give her an update on how things had been going. Well, as luck would have it, my mom was unable to answer the phone. 

As I headed back to the park, I realized that there were several benches in the shade, but she made a point to tell me that I could join her. Well, she began to engage in small talk. I took this to mean that she wanted conversation. I had no objections. I don’t mind meeting new people. 

I sat down and engaged in what turned out to be a rather scripted and predictable conversation. 

I did not reveal our true nature until later in the conversation, so she had no idea that we follow God. She asked a question about who we are, and I would answer. She would have some kind of “Christian-flavored” advice. I soon realized that, for every simple thing I brought up, she had some kind of scripted answer. It was a little frustrating. I was barely able to get the information out of my mouth before she would jump on the chance to explain how I was wrong and how she had the answer. It felt like this was not a genuine conversation. This was a led conversation, which left me feeling at the end like every aspect I had offered (willingly, I might add) had been dissected, judged, advised, and declared errant. She had all the answers for every problem I didn’t have. 

Now, I want to set the record straight. I knew full-well what I was getting into when I sat down and engaged in this conversation. She was not unkind. She was willing to share some of her own life and, in her own way, hoped that it would be of some encouragement to me. I am not angry with her, nor do I resent her beliefs and judgements on my life, family, or clothing (which did come up). 

What I did get from the conversation was some clarity as to why encountering a “Christian” can be so uncomfortable. I noticed that, despite the fact that her own denomination was theologically and doctrinally different from those with which I have had involvement, her answers for everything were almost, word-for-word, the same. The same judgments. The same fears. The same conclusions. The same answers to problems I don’t have. 

Side note: When I say “problems I don’t have,” what I mean is that I have noticed that people make a lot of assumptions on how things must go for you when you live differently. They assume that the reason for everything you do must be from some deep issue or flaw, and so you're living like this because you are a wreck of an individual. I will admit that there are challenges, but I also can attest that I have watched God provide for EVERY SINGLE one. Not always when or how I want it, but he does come through. So, when people start assuming that it's hard on the kids, and they must hate moving, and we are lonely, and blah blah blah…they start trying to advise me on why I have these problems, and that they have the solution. If you are someone who does this, please stop it.

Back to the main topic.

My husband was off playing with our kids and had not been a part of the conversation. After we left, he asked me about it and I recounted it to him. He started to get frustrated with how we had been judged so quickly. I got it, but I wasn’t mad. In fact, I told him that it felt like a conversation with a salesman. This woman was trying to sell me, a complete stranger, on her religion. She even invited me to her church. 

At this point in my life, I think I have heard it all. I would be shocked and surprised if any Christian could offer me a new topic of conversation that didn’t involve them trying to sell me on their doctrine. “God wouldn’t tell you to live like you are living, because it doesn’t follow my pre-prescribed doctrinal beliefs.” “God doesn’t think that is okay because I don’t think that is okay.” “This is not socially accepted and, while I say with my words that I reject worldly expectations, my life betrays my true beliefs and I can’t accept you because you are different.” 

While these statements usually come a little later, after more in-depth conversation, they are the same statements. This is modern Christianity in a nutshell. 

It is cheap. 

It is simple. 

It is all the same, while fighting and dividing over simple things. 

It is filled with fearful people that conform to the world around them, while picking political subjects to declare their separation from the “wicked” world around them, while allowing their sin to bleed into those nearest them, without even taking notice. 

The modern Christian is the epitome of the scene Christ painted in Luke 18. A pharisee and a tax collector are praying. The Pharisee thanks God that he is a good man and is not like this tax collector. The other man cries out in humility, aware of his sin, and begs for God’s mercy. I see this constantly. It frustrates me to no end. “At least we are not like this church.” “At least we take this political stance.” “At least our political champion believes this.” “We are not like those people.” And yet….

Here I go. God help me. Do I even dare? 

Okay, here it goes. I don’t care what your political, social, denominational, educational background is. Y'all are the same. It doesn’t matter. You want to make an actual difference? Then you need to find something that isn't the “left” or the “right.” Oh, yeah! Remember that verse? (Deuteronomy 5:32) Yeah…that. Oh golly, there it is. In scripture…black and white…your political answer. Why do you make me say it? Huh? I don’t want to be the one to make waves. I really don’t. I would be just as happy living my little life and ignore it all, but COME ON. Someone has to say it. So here I go. 

If you think that following the will of God is predicated on your stinking political party, you have got something else comin’. They are wrong…all wrong…all the time. And there is no way in which they can be right, because they are based on a worldly, not a Godly, belief system for a worldly, not a Godly, society. You are not going to change your nation into a Godly one. He tried that, and they ditched him. What on God’s green earth makes you think you can do better? He’ll do his own political establishing on his own. I have a feeling He can handle it. 

There, have I made enough of you uncomfortable yet? Wonderful. Let’s keep going. 

So, after my little conversation with this otherwise nice lady, I understood why talking to Christians is so frustrating. And here it is: It's not real. Nothing about it feels genuine. It feels like a show. It feels like a sales tactic. It feels like you are all following the prescribed rules that your pastor laid out for you to win converts. 

So, if you are doing this, please, for the love of all things Holy, stop. It’s not working. No one wants to get into a manipulative conversation and hear about how they are all wrong, and you’ve got it all right. 

“Okay, Bethany,” you say. “So what do we do?” 

Well, I’m glad you asked. Check out my blog, titled “Taking Back the Mission.” 

But in the meantime, and I can’t stress this enough, work on your own d-mn self. That’s my version of “Take the log out of your own eye.” (Matthew 7:5)