Waiting for a Miracle

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There have been many times in my life when I have needed something. I’m not just talking about something that you want but something that you need from the depths of your being. The kind of desire that sets you praying and crying out. Sometimes, I was answered the way I wanted to be, and there were times when I was not.


Lately, I have been struggling with health issues as well as different relationship struggles. So… you know… life. I have found that my heart has not been crying out for a cure or a fix. What I have been literally crying out for is Him. I need Him. I tell Him that almost every day. He asks, “How are you doing today?” My response is almost always, “I need you.”

Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3-10)

If you read the list of those who are blessed, some of them don’t sound like nice things. I don’t want to be poor in spirit. I don’t want to mourn, but I have. I have suffered. I have hurt. I have hungered. I have cried out in pain, either of the heart or the body. But what I really want, what I really need is Him. It is what I have always wanted and always needed. These people are blessed because they see their need.

If I’m honest, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t trust people that are “perfect”. It doesn’t exist guys. I am NOT perfect. I struggle with my flesh every day. I struggle to keep my focus where it should be, and sometimes I don’t make the right choices. But at the end of the day I know what I need. I need Him, and that is the only thing that will make me who I was meant to be.

I know a lot of people who would like for me to just declare that I am well and pray for healing and be done with it. “You are the healed,” They say.


I am the healed, but I also live in this world where I will encounter struggles (John 16:33). If my pain causes my hunger for Him to grow, then I will endure the pain until He gives me what I want. If what I want is Him, then He will be pleased to give it. So that is what I want. That is what I am waiting on. The miracle of a close relationship with my God.











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