Warrior Unseen

-
When I was younger I wanted to be in the military. I was fighter. I’ve always been a fighter. I wanted to personify that fighting spirit and protect the man to my right and the man to my left. Fighting was my obsession, and I began to build an image around that.

I built that image off the soldiers and the ex-military I knew. Not to mention the countless war movies I watched. But in the end I felt more like I was fighting for an image more than anything else. 

Long story short, I discovered that I didn’t trust people, and I had problems with people in authority. (Those are two different stories for another time.) But those issues don’t really put you in a good mind set to be under the authority of, well, anyone.

While I decided not to pursue a life in the military, my warrior spirit didn’t go away because that was just who I was. And for a long time that was good, because it would serve to help me survive the years to follow. (Another story)

In the end, that warrior was beaten down and nearly defeated. I was a walking corpse, and all I wanted was to stop fighting. Inside I was dead, and I was just waiting for my body to follow.  At the rate I was going it wasn’t going to be long.

I remember meeting God for the first time. I mean really seeing Him face to face. I was beaten down, and He breathed new life into me. I was restored, but the first thing He did to bring back that fighter in me was to teach me peace. He gave me peace, His peace. I walked in that for a long time, still struggling with old wounds, but eventually he called back to life that warrior.

That is the reason that, at the top of this page, there is a picture of a spear. It is the weapon that God gave me and told me that I would use in battle. If you hadn’t noticed, it’s not a normal spear. It has a hook on it that is used to pull riders from their horses.

So I am a warrior and a dangerous one at that. But you will never see me in formation, marching to a cadence, or taking orders from a political leader. My King is my commander, and I would follow Him anywhere.

I do not fight against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces that seek to take me, and those around me, out. (Ephesians 6:12). I am on the front lines fighting to take back what the enemy erroneously claims as his own. I follow my Lord as commander and chief.


As for my trust issues, well, I finally found someone I knew I could trust to lead me, and I find that I don’t really mind submitting to the will of someone I know loves me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A God in Our Own Image

-
Image
It has always been interesting to me how you can meet so many people that all claim to believe in the same god, and yet their views of him and the ways that they describe his character are strictly individualistic. Or we can call those descriptions very “telling.” Their view of him is often small and flat…simple. To so many, the idea of god is a one-dimensional character with next-to-no depth or meaning.  Now, I recognize and fully support the concept of god being an individual, and that each person knows him differently. But one distinct difference is when I meet people who only believe in god as long as he matches and agrees with all their accepted beliefs. Therefore, the only response upon meeting someone that doesn’t think the same way and has a concept of god that is different, is to assume that the other person simply doesn’t believe in god. How arrogant. How truly conceited.  I have heard things like, “If you are a Christian, you can’t vote for so and so.” “How can you ...
Read more

The Storm

-
Image
The last few weeks…well, the last month or so have been some of the most challenging. I seem to find myself in these places often. The comforts and “guarantees” of the world are stripped away and I find myself fighting for a breath as the waves of this dark world crash over me. The beautiful facade that money and privilege afford society is pulled back and I see Truth. I see this place for what it truly is; dark, ugly, angry, selfish, fearful. I am tempted to build up my walls and be like them. The desire to become cynical rises up, but there is something in me that still calls me to be tender.  I lost my grandmother this past summer. I watched her pass from this world. It was not pretty or peaceful. It was painful and hard. I knew that in order to help my family with her care I had to shut down a part of myself. I knew that I had to set aside my own loss and pain in order to walk through that place. On the other side of it, alone, I allowed the pain to hit me.  In obedience, ...
Read more

Religion vs. Real Life

-
Image
A few days ago my husband and I took the kids to the park. We were in an area that we were not familiar with. We don’t know anything about anything or anyone in the little town nestled in the Virginia mountains.  There, along a river, is a small park. We pulled up and saw another family there. Allow me to add that, it just so happened that on this day, I had the courage to wear shorts. I have struggled so severely with my self image, and obsessed over hiding myself out of fear, that I didn’t even own a pair of shorts until last year when I got some because I just couldn’t take the Texas summer heat anymore. Still, I would wear them at home most of the time. But today, I was feeling free. I put on my shorts and took my kids to the park.  When we walked up to the playset, I could see that the family was dressed in…well, let's just say they were dressed in a way that would be obvious to most that they are part of a specific Christian religious group. I have zero problem with them...
Read more