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I run home to you. But they do not understand. “Run the race,” they say, “Run to the finish.” But where is the finish? When have I completed my race? Is it when I am old? No, because I see the wisdom of the old being put to good use no matter their age. Is it when I have finished some great task? No, because so long as I have breath there is more for me to do. Is it when I have made all my money and can live in financial peace? No, because such peace can be swept away.

So to where do I run?
“Keep your eye on the goal,” They quote, but what is the goal? “Train well so that you can complete it.” Complete what? “Well, this life,” They say.

So you are telling me that the finish line is my death? “Well, I suppose so, yes.” But is it not against our nature to speak of death, let alone to train our eyes on it? We are told that death is darkness. No longer! “Why?” because He has conquered it. I do not fear death. I walk into it. No! I run. “Why?” Why? Because it is for home that I run. It is for Him that I run. It is TO Him that I run.

“You should not long for death,” They say. I do not long for death. I long for home. I long for Him. Because with Him true life is found. I will run this race until it is complete. But what if this race ends differently than yours. Is it better that old age takes me? Is it better that disease slowly extinguish me? It is best that He should come for me, yes, but what if His time is not now and mine is? How then should I die if I could choose?

So I choose. I beg. God give me a death worthy of you. Give me something that will point the world to you. If by my life I can serve you and praise you, so much more then, by my death. Leave the world confounded by it, because while the world clings to life because it is all they know, let them see that I walked into death because I know you.

I do not long to suffer. No one in their right mind does. But if I should suffer, should I not rejoice because my God has seen fit to reward me? Why do you stand against me? Why do you step between me and my prize? You preach the words of the great apostle as if you understood them, but I don’t think that you do. How could you unless you too feel this longing for Him in your soul that keeps you awake at night? Unless you feel the desire to be in His presence more than anything, how could you know? How could you understand why I cry for missing Him?

So why do you stand between Him and I and condemn me for wanting a death that would bring me home and glorify His name at the same time? “We love you,” They say.

I love you too, and I would not leave you except that, in the end, I love Him more. I will not go seeking my death like a fool, but if He chooses a death for me, then I will gladly walk into it knowing that on the other side He is waiting for me, with open arms, and at last my soul will rest in the peace and the love and the light that is Him!

Do not burden me please. Your heart for me is well intended, but do not hurt me. Do not beg me to stay when my heart, my soul, my everything longs to go. I do not hate life here. I love life here. But, in the end, I love Him more.

Yes, there are great things to be done, but perhaps those things are not for me to do but for you. I will do what is asked of me. I will suffer what is asked of me. For if He, who loved His son, still sent His son to die for the world, is He not willing to let me die so that I might point the world to Him?

Do not burden me. Do not cling to me and be like weights on my legs. Let me run! Let me finish my race. If you love me, then run with me. Run beside me, and if I should finish before you, than rejoice for me! Be glad for me that my race was won, and that at last the prize is mine.


Do not burden me. Do not hurt me by condemning me for wanting my prize more than anything. For He is my prize. And in the end, I did love Him more.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

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